Well, I did it. I did my second 10km for Charity. I beat my time from last year, I’ve beat my fundraising target, I have two new gorgeous running shirts and one wonderful medal to add to my collection but I feel so deflated.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed every second of it but I’m just not getting that pizzaz and buzz I got from completing it last year. I think I put too much pressure on myself for a number of reasons…
I thought that my time would be a lot quicker than last year. My pace had quickened and my last 7km run/walk was quicker than it used to be. But the past few weeks I’ve been waiting for an MRI & physio referral for my knee so I’ve had to ease off training. At the 6km mark on Sunday I could feel my knee burning and I just had to slow the pace down.
Last year my £150 target got to over £400 and this year I’m currently at £188. So over my £150 target. I just feel like I haven’t worked as hard as I had done last year? Or have I?
On the route there was a lady in front of me until about the 5km mark and we were silently struggling to establish between us who was going to stay in front. She had a young man with her – who didn’t have a race number or wasn’t adequately dressed to be doing a 10km in the warm July mornings – he was dripping in sweat, bless him. He was cheering her on, jogging backwards and shouting words of wisdom, encouragement and praise at her. I stopped and praised them both, they were both doing incredible. She looked at me and she said I can’t do it, I gave her a massive hug and told her we had done half. We only had to repeat what we had already done. I asked her to tell me why she was wearing a Pendleside Hospice shirt and why she had chosen to raise money as awareness for them. She told me her reasons why, and I don’t feel I am justified to share her beautiful story in my blog. That’s her personal story and I feel privileged to have heard it, to share it myself wouldn’t be right.
We carried on jogging and she over took me again, I didn’t catch up with her until the 7.5km Mark. She was crying, she told me she couldn’t do anymore. I cheered her on and told her we have done 3 times what we have left. We have basically done it. I stayed with her for a while and then I naturally over took her. I didn’t see her again until the finish line. She ran over to me and gave me the biggest hug I have ever received, the young man with her thanked me too. They went on their way and she looked absolutely thrilled.
It was then when the disappointment hit me. I felt like I was selfishly stuck in my own targets that I forgot my kindness and to let her finish the race before me. Or with me by her side. I’ve replayed the last 2km in my head and I regret every second of not staying with her.
I’ve discussed it with Joe, and he saw how happy she was when she finished and how much love and thankful energy was in that hug and he thinks my actions of walking with her and nattering were enough. For all I know she might not have wanted to finish with someone else, and he’s absolutely right. We all have our own goals in mind and again it’s selfish of me to try and get hers to fit mine.
Apart from that, I am so proud of myself. I did it again. Raised money and completed something that I am rubbish at. I did it. I bloody ran.
I am eternally greatful for my family who encourage me to do my best at all times. My friends who are my number one fans and cheer me on from the finish line, when I feel broken they show me I’m not. My husband who is just incredible to his core. And you, my supporters, who sponsor me, read this blog and who just push me to be a better person, you’re all incredible and I dedicate those 10km to you!!
I love you all with every piece of my heart.
You can still sponsor me until the middle of July.
Stay cool 💖