Well, here we are again. I have to apologise firstly, I haven’t been on and made a post in a while because I’ve had a really rubbish 10 days. I didn’t go out an do my couch 2 5km for the first time in 4 weeks and we ordered take away instead. I started to write about it and then I just became consumed with this massive amount of guilt, and I felt scared to admit it to you and I felt I become a disappointment and I just couldn’t face you. You being the one person who reads this! Ha!
Last Wednesday I went out and completed the session of Couch 2 5km I had avoided on the previous Friday. My legs were sore and I was supposed to be completing 2 x 5 minute runs. I didn’t. I ached everywhere, I was shattered after three minutes. I was slipping everywhere because of all the rain. Simon didn’t even look like he was enjoying it. I finished it though and went home. Relieved I had been out but still somewhat frustrated at my lack of effort.
Friday came and I was actually ready for my run. I got home, got ready put Simon’s running boots on (metaphorical obviously!) and took him down to the canal for our Friday sesh. Not the usual entertaining Friday sesh, I agree! Now for anyone who has not been down that section of the grand old Burnley canal – it’s actually quite beautiful. The Lancashire countryside just beams with greenery, old mills surround you and the odd swan hisses at you as you pass. Gorgeous.
I had been running (or rather, attempting to run) for about 4 minutes, I heard the lovely Sarah Millican in my ears telling me I had one minute to go. A man had pulled over in his barge and had let his little doggos off for a run and was in mid conversation with a Police Man. The little dogs started running and barking at Simon, and because he is a baby he stopped still and wouldn’t pass them. I slowed down just after the officer and called Simon to me. Eventually he ran over and defeated those tiny barking machines. We carried on.
About 300 yards further than that there is a bridge that you go under and then about 25 yards after that another bridge that goes over the M65 motorway. Simon loves that bridge, he runs ahead and sticks his little head through the railings to look at the cars driving underneath until I catch up with him. The bridge that you go under is always a bit dark and dingy (being a bridge and all) and I am convinced that a troll lives under there – a real life troll not just someone from Burnley!! On Friday there was a backpack just left on the floor, and lots of tubes and bits of metal all around. It was really spooky and eerie. Simon wouldn’t come under the bridge and it just all seemed a little creepy. Simon decided he was going for it, and he wasn’t going to be the character that will die in this part of the horror film, and as I looked up to see where he was going I noticed there was Police tape all over the other side of the bridge blocking the path. Simon had obviously decided he was above the law and went to his little spot on the second bridge to watch all the cars pass by underneath.
I finally took my headphones out and heard someone shout ‘oi’ behind me. This is it I thought. This is the part of my life where I die. Simon had decided he was above the law, entered a crime scene and I was there staring at it. I’ve never done anything like that in my life – I’ve never even tried smoking and there I was about to be accused of murdering someone because my dog likes to watch cars. I turned around and it was the Police Officer we passed before, he was out of breath and he had been chasing me. I was being chased by the Police. I repeat – I was chased by the Police!! The elation I felt was brought home by him demanding I get my dog immediately. We both started shouting Simon and he came trundling over, not a care in the world. He was super excited to see the Police Man; Simon wants to be a Police Man when he grows up, he told me.
The Police Man told me I must come with him immediately and I thought that’s it. I’m going to jail, Joe will disown me, Simon is going to be put in a Youth Offending unit and he will then will end up hating me. I apologised 7,575,504 times before the Police Officer explained that there was nothing to be sorry about, I wasn’t going to get a criminal record and Simon wasn’t going to be taken off me for bad parenting. Someone had decided to do a spot of magnet fishing and had found a grenade, they had closed the canal whilst the military were on their way to detonate it safely. Simon and I just laugh at the face of explosives and took it upon ourselves to run past it like hooligans. The Police Officer thought I had stopped to talk to him and when he had turned around to explain the closure I had vanished – hence the chase. Technically, I’m a criminal because I was wanted by the Police for a short while.
We cut our run short and went home. I had a gin and did no other form of exercise for the rest of the weekend. The grenade was taken to a local farm and was detonated in isolation safely. There was no mention of a nutty jogger and her dog on the local news – but I think they left that out on purpose.
I’m back on it tomorrow and I am quite excited to see what happens in the next edition of Gemma and Simon …Criminals on the run!